


Dark Green

by askthealien



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 09:59:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18363752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/askthealien/pseuds/askthealien





	Dark Green

When he was 13, Connor Murphy painted his bedroom dark green. He did it without his parents’ permission and though they were mad at first eventually they moved on. Cynthia wanted her son to be happy and Larry figured that it didn’t actually hurt anything so it was fine. For the first time, he felt in control of something. He was happy.

When he was 15, Connor Murphy dyed his hair dark green. The previously blond boy came out of the bathroom with hair that was not school appropriate. This time, his parents were a little mad. Cynthia didn’t want her son to look ridiculous to the outside world. Before this time, they could at least pretend everything was ‘normal’. As soon as they could they took him to a salon to dye it back. Even his body wasn’t his own.

When he was 17, he tried to kill himself. He did it in the place that he felt most at home, in a park surrounded by dark green plants. As he passed out he could feel himself slipping away. The last thing he saw was dark green. He woke up, a month and a half later, to a bright white hospital room and his mother crying He couldn’t even kill himself properly.

When he was 19, he officially moved into the dorms. The first year of university he lived at home, because of his parent’s fear that he would harm himself again. He went to a university the next town over, so he was close, but not too close. When he signed up to a three-person room he knew exactly who he wanted his roommates to be. He, Evan and Jared moved in on a sunny day. Connor’s bedding was completely dark green, to remind him that he was okay.

When he was 21, He fell in love for the first time. A girl whose hair was a different color every week. She played the drums and loved horror movies. He thought she was perfect, but something felt off. She wore lavender every chance she got. A light purple dress would end up on his floor, then be pulled back on whenever they were done. She never stayed around for long. At her concerts, she liked to show him off, but they barely spoke. She liked his aesthetic, but not his brain. They broke up within the year.

When he was 23, he moved into an apartment in a dark green building with Jared and Alana. As soon as he saw the building he knew it was the place, but Jared and Alana needed proof. They agreed to move in after he told him that it was a rent controlled four-bedroom. He didn’t tell them about the guy who had been murdered there. It was better if they didn’t know. Connor, Alana, Jared, Zoe and Evan would get together every weekend to get drinks, eventually Evan’s girlfriend started joining them. Connor took a job at his father’s firm as an assistant, but he was usually working on his writing instead of what he was supposed to.

When he was 25, he wrote his first book. It was a mild success, but it was enough to let him quit his job and work on his next one. The cover was a green velvet with gold lettering ‘The Knights of Hardgrove’. Written in better writing than he could muster. At the announcement party, he could swear that he overheard his father bragging about him. Larry Murphy proud of his son? It couldn’t be. He drank a liquid that he was told was vodka, but didn’t taste like it. At that party he met a girl that he was told was perfect for him, but she didn’t act like it.

When he was 26, he was fighting every night with a girl who thought she knew how to fix him. She didn’t seem to realize that this was the fixed version. The version of him that hadn’t thought about killing himself in years. The version with a job that his father was proud of. Still, she wasn’t satisfied. She painted his dark green walls a scarlet red. They broke up after 1 year, 3 months, 2 weeks and 6 days.

When he was 27, he was asked to be a speaker at his old university’s graduation ceremony. He wasn’t sure he deserved it. Sure, he was a bestselling artist, but he wasn’t successful where it counted. Zoe was getting married later this year. Evan’s got a two-year-old. Alana was just made partner at Larry Murphy’s firm. She celebrated with her handsome fiancé. Hell, even Jared had a girlfriend. Connor was the only who was alone. All alone, again.

He gave his speech. People clapped and he smiled. It was fake, but they didn’t know that. Then, he sat down and watched for the next two hours as students were called up and given their diplomas. At the end, he was ready to leave. He booked it to the parking lot, but was caught off guard by a voice. A male voice told him how much they loved his books. He turned around to see a group of five kids. He shouldn’t call them kids, their all college graduates now.

They reminded him of his friends, but there was a girl. He wasn’t sure why she stood out. She wasn’t the tallest or the shortest of everyone there. She stood to the side of the group. He shook all of their hands, only so he could have a chance to shake hers. When he looked in her eyes he knew she was special. The color that followed him around his whole life was staring back at him.

They had to leave, but he could’ve stood there for hours. Once they were gone he kicked himself for not getting to know her better. He didn’t even know her last name to look her up. He figured he wouldn’t see her again.

August 28th would go down as the most important day in history to him. He was the best man to his sister’s husband. As he stood up there he scanned the crowd waiting for his sister. When he did he locked on to a pair of dark green eyes. The very same ones that he had met three months ago.

He wasn’t going to give up his chance to meet her this time. At the reception, he searched for her. She was sitting with the same four people he had seen her with at graduation. He went over, determined to talk to her. The guy who liked his books struck up a conversation. Connor politely answered his questions, but turned the conversation to the green-eyed girl. By the end of the night, he had her phone number and a little hope for the future.


End file.
